So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
