I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
