i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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