Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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