Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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