Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
