and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got inside last night via doggy door
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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