You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
