you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
