there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
