I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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