i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
