Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
