im having a threesome with these popsicles
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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