I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
