my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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