I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
