i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
