Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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