It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
