WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize