Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm always down for nudity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize