just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
