i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
do nipples grow back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
