I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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