Joe is yelling at the trees again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
