he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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