Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
