Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
