I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
