Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I intend to get homeless drunk

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(415): View more from California

Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car

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(952): View more from Minnesota

HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.

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