I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
