Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
