I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize