so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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