Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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