jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
