my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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