I bet he comes in French.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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