dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
