if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
