You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
