Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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