so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize