i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
