he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
