we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
