I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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