I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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