so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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