I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
