So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
