Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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