I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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