Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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