Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
