did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
