The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
