This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize