you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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