# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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