2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bring money and cleavage
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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