I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As shirtless as possible
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
