How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize