Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize