Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
whose parrot is this?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
