I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize