now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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