your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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