I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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