We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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