Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
