There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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