Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize