Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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