I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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