Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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