Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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