Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
