whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
