They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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