i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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