my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
