RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
