Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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