The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
