i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
pray to the hookup gods
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
