Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
