haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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