and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
