the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
