Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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