we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
