Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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