I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
